Joke of the day.

[Don the Don]

A scammer called my gran and told her that he knew all her passwords.
She got a pen and paper to write them down, and said: "Thank goodness for that, what are they?"

 

[half ton]

We all must do our bit for the planet..... I just unplugged a row of electric cars, That no one was using !

 

[Don the Don]

Lady goes into a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot in a cage.
“What a beautiful bird,” she exclaims, “How much is it?”
“ Twenty quid” replies the shopkeeper, “ but I have to warn you, he’s got a bit of previous, hence the price. Grew up in a brothel so he’s seen a few things and his language can be a little fruity sometime.”
Ignoring the warning, the lady pays £20 and takes the bird home.
Once there she puts the bird in the living room, takes the cover off, and the bird has a good look around.
“New place,” says the parrot. “Nice wallpaper, new furniture. Very nice”.
Later that afternoon the lady’s daughters come home. The bird looks them up and down, “New place, new girls. Nice. Very nice”.
That evening the lady’ s husband returns from work.
“Hello Keith” says the bird.

 

[Don the Don]

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Luigi was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her
back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Luigi reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.
The sex finally ends and, again, Luigi smiles and asks, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Luigi reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing
and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Luigi falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I'm Norwegian.

 

[Don the Don]

I won't say my local pub is rough, but they held a quiz night last week and the first question was "What the f@ck are you looking at, you c@nt?"

 

[Don the Don]

Little Johnny goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital. "How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?" he questioned.
"Terrific, wonderful menus," answered his grandfather.
"And the nursing?" queried Little Johnny.
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you," smiled grandfather.
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?" asked Little Johnny.
"No problem at all -- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet, and that's it. I go out like a light," he replied.
Little Johnny was puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushed off to question the nurse in charge. "What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?" he exclaimed.
"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

 

[Don the Don]

You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young Woman's surgery.
But, she asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?"
The Surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye.
The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out".

 

[Don the Don]

I recently bought this certified Black Angus bull for $6,500.

He would not even look at a cow when I let him out with the herd; instead, he would just eat grass.

That bull was starting to look like more than I had paid for him. In any case, I asked the veterinarian to examine him.

I was given certain medications by him to give him once a day.

In just two days, the bull began tending to all of my cows! He even managed to go beyond the fence and mated with every cow owned by my neighbor!

He resembles a machine. I’m not sure what was in the tablets that the veterinarian gave him. Nonetheless, they have a peppermint-like flavour