Joke of the day.

T

The Departed

Guest
Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm so they go to the doctors.
After some tests, the doctor suggest that Paddy's wife may be over-heating during sex.
Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate Patrick around to waft a towel over them during sex.
After 20 mins of wafting the towel there was still no orgasm, so Patrick suggests a swap, ''I'll shag her and you waft the towel'' says Patrick.
Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever. Paddy turns to Patrick and slowly say's...... "and that my friend is how you waft a towel!"
 
BAD LUCK DUCK

BAD LUCK DUCK

Forum Duck
BB3Lions said:
Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm so they go to the doctors.
After some tests, the doctor suggest that Paddy's wife may be over-heating during sex.
Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate Patrick around to waft a towel over them during sex.
After 20 mins of wafting the towel there was still no orgasm, so Patrick suggests a swap, ''I'll shag her and you waft the towel'' says Patrick.
Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever. Paddy turns to Patrick and slowly say's...... "and that my friend is how you waft a towel!"
Click to expand...
🤣🤣🤣
 
Big Sandy

Big Sandy

Legendary Knight
My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning.
Said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium.
 
MartytheMartian

MartytheMartian

Legendary Knight
My grandpa died peacefully in his sleep.... which is more than can be said for the passengers on his bus! (an oldie but a goodie!)

A wee limerick that has stuck with me since I was a nipper-

There was a young man from Madras,
Whose balls were constructed of brass,
When they jangled together they played stormy weather
and Lightning shot out of his ass.
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put €20 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the €20 note on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
 
Tallpaul

Tallpaul

Legendary Knight
My late stepfather told me this one when I was about 12, I'm now a fortnight shy of 65. He died a couple of years ago with Parkinson's, at the age of 95. I committed it to memory and dedicate it to him.

I had a friend, a friend no more,
who failed to bolt the bathroom door.
A maiden aunt of his, one day, walked in while half submerged he lay.
He had no time, nor even scope, to camouflage himself with soap.
but flung aside the sponge 'neath which he sought to hide.....and made for home.
His aunt fell fainting to the ground,
alas the medics never brought her round,
she died intestate, in her prime,
the victim of another's crime.
And nephew John, will never quite forget,
how, by a breach of etiquette,
he lost at one fell swoop or plunge,
his aunt, his honour........................and his sponge.

For Peter x
 
BAD LUCK DUCK

BAD LUCK DUCK

Forum Duck
Tallpaul said:
My late stepfather told me this one when I was about 12, I'm now a fortnight shy of 65. He died a couple of years ago with Parkinson's, at the age of 95. I committed it to memory and dedicate it to him.

I had a friend, a friend no more,
who failed to bolt the bathroom door.
A maiden aunt of his, one day, walked in while half submerged he lay.
He had no time, nor even scope, to camouflage himself with soap.
but flung aside the sponge 'neath which he sought to hide.....and made for home.
His aunt fell fainting to the ground,
alas the medics never brought her round,
she died intestate, in her prime,
the victim of another's crime.
And nephew John, will never quite forget,
how, by a breach of etiquette,
he lost at one fell swoop or plunge,
his aunt, his honour........................and his sponge.

For Peter x
Click to expand...
So what happened to the sponge then??
 
MartytheMartian

MartytheMartian

Legendary Knight
how do you know if a Scotsman is a MacDonald?

Look under his kilt and see if he has a quarter pounder with cheese

I once had a gerbil named Bobby,
Who had an unusual hobby.
He chewed on a cord,
and now -- oh my lord,
all that's left is a blobby.
 
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