Joke of the day.

Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A guy goes into his local bank and says to the manager, "I'd like to borrow £100,000 to open a cheese factory in Cheshire. It's gonna be great."
" Hold on a minute", says the bank manager. "There's already a company called Cheshire Cheese - you're gonna have to come up with something better than that."
The guy comes back next week, and says, "Right I've got it. I want to borrow £200,000 to open a cheese factory in France. It's gonna be called Brie Cheese."
"I'm afraid that one's already there too," says the bank manager. "Brie Cheese is world famous, so I can't lend you the money for that."
In a last ditch attempt, the man comes back in the following week. "Right", says the man, "I've got it. I want to borrow £500,000 to open a cheese factory in Israel."
"Oh, now we're talking," says the bank manager. "What are you going to call it?"………..
The man smiles proudly and says, "Cheeses of Nazareth....”
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A man went to the movies and was surprised to find a woman with a big collie sitting in front of him. Even more amazing was the fact that the dog always laughed in the right places through the comedy.

"Excuse me," the man said to the woman, "but I think it's astounding that your dog enjoys the movie so much."

"I am surprised myself, " she replied. "He hated the book."
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
An older couple were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek, and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: Then you use to bite my neck”

Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”
 
Big Sandy

Big Sandy

Legendary Knight
It was that time of year, the interdenominational darts tourney!

At the semi finals, the synagogue team were beaten by the monks from the Nuneaton monastery, and the Jesuit priests were beaten by the sisters of mercy from the local convent.

The day of the final, things were very close. A high score was needed by the monks to win. The final monk steps up to the oche, threw his first dart....DOUBLE TWENTY! Another arrow.... DOUBLE TWENTY again...the monk is sweating (a bad habit, you could say) slippery fingers, his last dart did not fly straight...it hit the wire, and ricocheted off at an angle, hitting the mother superior right between the eyes, killing her instantly.

Such a panic, Mother superior was rushed off, leaving the two teams and the judges behind. After a few minutes of contemplation, one of the judges says that it's time to declare a winner. The monks have won!! With the high score of "one nun dead and eighty"!
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Was out for a pint the other night and got to chatting with the lady behind the bar. She was getting on a bit, easily over sixty but the banter was good and I was on my own so the company was welcome.

Long story short we ended up back at hers and ended up in the bedroom getting our kit off. She’d nearly finished undressing when she said “I think you should know, I’ve got acute angina” I said “that’s just as well ‘cos your tits are shit”
 
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