Don the Don
Legendary Knight
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto
Roberto
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Got a pair of boxers with the London
Underground map on for my birthday.
Already had to change twice.
Underground map on for my birthday.
Already had to change twice.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Kier Starmer visits Saudi Arabia to strengthen economic ties between the Arab state and the UK.
"Despite this man's appalling human rights record, his vile treatment towards vulnerable people and the utter disdain for his obligations under international law by cosying up to violent oppressors.
We are willing to give this deal a chance. I'm also acutely aware how this affects my nation's reputation worldwide" , added Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.
"Despite this man's appalling human rights record, his vile treatment towards vulnerable people and the utter disdain for his obligations under international law by cosying up to violent oppressors.
We are willing to give this deal a chance. I'm also acutely aware how this affects my nation's reputation worldwide" , added Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Two old boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from privates to L/Cpls.
Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey, Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in."
"But we’re only privates," protests Paddy.
"We’re L/Cpls now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. "Now, Paddy, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we're privates," says Paddy.
"You blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe. "We're L/Cpls now!"
So they have their drink, and pretty soon a one of the Army lass’s comes up to Mick.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Paddy, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."
So Paddy goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.
Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.
Mick says to Paddy, "Why the hell did you give me the thumbs up?"
"Well Mick, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates." Pointing to his stripe, he says, "and we're L/Cpls now!"
Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey, Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in."
"But we’re only privates," protests Paddy.
"We’re L/Cpls now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. "Now, Paddy, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we're privates," says Paddy.
"You blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe. "We're L/Cpls now!"
So they have their drink, and pretty soon a one of the Army lass’s comes up to Mick.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Paddy, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."
So Paddy goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.
Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.
Mick says to Paddy, "Why the hell did you give me the thumbs up?"
"Well Mick, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates." Pointing to his stripe, he says, "and we're L/Cpls now!"
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Did you know, in Iceland, it's illegal to have sex on Christmas Eve and you could arrested if caught participating in the act?
Not sure about Tesco or ASDA, but please ask before trying.
Not sure about Tesco or ASDA, but please ask before trying.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
What's the difference between Miss Piggy and Gisele Pelicot?
Miss Piggy only had one frog up her arse.
Miss Piggy only had one frog up her arse.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
He was in ecstasy with a huge grin on his face as his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....in and out....
.... back and forth ...in and out.
She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end and he knew it.
Her heart was pounding, her face was flushed, then she moaned, softly at first, then louder. Finally, totally exhausted and dripping in sweat, she let out an almighty scream "OK I can't park the damned car! You do it ..... you smug ******* pig!"
.... back and forth ...in and out.
She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end and he knew it.
Her heart was pounding, her face was flushed, then she moaned, softly at first, then louder. Finally, totally exhausted and dripping in sweat, she let out an almighty scream "OK I can't park the damned car! You do it ..... you smug ******* pig!"
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
My ex used to perform at a strip club but on stage she had anxiety, anger, depression, guilt, jealousy, loneliness, pessimism, self-consciousness, and worry.
She was a neurotic dancer.
She was a neurotic dancer.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Phoned Smyths Toys and asked if they had the game "Operation.”
They said they did, but there's a 3-year waiting list..
They said they did, but there's a 3-year waiting list..
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says.
“Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods…
“I’ll tell you, I'd thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says.
“Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods…
“I’ll tell you, I'd thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
The man that invented human cloning has died .
The mourners will probably be beside themselves at the funeral.
The mourners will probably be beside themselves at the funeral.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I think it's a disgrace on society and our education system when after 50 years, most people have no idea who Neil Armstrong is.
.
Or what kind of trumpet he played
.
Or what kind of trumpet he played
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
"Stinkers Stinkers"......... yeah alright some do make you cringe, bout time I threw that old joke book out
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?”
“We use it when we make love,” she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it?”
The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”
What were you thinking/
She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?”
“We use it when we make love,” she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it?”
The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”
What were you thinking/