Joke of the day.

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. He decided that a few disciple would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Three days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: “Who is it?” “It’s Mark” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring Mark?” “Marijuana from Colombia” “Very well son, come in.”
Another soft knock is heard. “Who is it?” “It’s Matthew” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring Matthew?” “Cocaine from Mexica” “Very well son, come in.”
At the next knock Jesus asks, “Who is it?” “It’s John” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring John?” “Crystal meth from Los Angeles” “Very well son, come in.”
Someone starts pounding on the door. “Who is it?” “It’s Judas” Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring Judas?” “Freeze! This is the FBI!”
 

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Santa was having a really bad day. Elves working to rule, two sick reindeer and he’d burnt his dinner. He was in a foul mood when there was as a knock at the door. Santa stormed to the door and wrenched it open. There stood a fairy with a Christmas tree. ‘ Hi Santa’ she said ‘where shall I stick your tree?’ And that’s the origin of having a fairy on top of the tree.
 

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Teresa had a female parrot which always saying: “Hello, I am very hot. Do you want to have some fun?”
She went to the church to find the priest for a solution to the problem. The priest said, “Bring your bird to my house. I have two male parrots who read the bible and pray all the time. They will be a good influence on her.”
So,Teresa brought the parrot to priest’s house and put her parrot into the cage with the two male birds. She squawked, “Hello, I am very hot. Do you want to have some fun?” One male parrot looked at the other one and said, “Put the Bible away, our prayers have been answered.”
 

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies Paul, “you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?”
“Yes,” replies Jeff with a laugh.
“Well,” says Paul, straightening up, “I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.”
“That’s great!” says Jeff, “When are you going out?”
“I went to meet her this evening,” continues Paul, “but I was worried I’d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn’t show.”
“Sensible” says Jeff.
“So I get to her door,” says Paul, “and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw.”
“And what happened then?”
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)
“I kicked her in the face.”
 

Big Sandy

Legendary Knight
A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight “This is exciting!” the guy thought, “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope.
Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realised his seat was right next to the Pope!

In the beginning, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began writing in the answers. It crossed the gentleman's mind that if the Pope got stuck, he’d ask him for assistance, "This is fantastic!”, he thought. “I’m really good at crosswords!”

Almost as if providence struck, the Pope turned to the man and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four-letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘ UNT’?”

The three Cardinals behind, in front of, and beside him shrunk down in their seats, as far as possible, all looking for something on the floor. The gentleman was in morbid shock. He couldn’t breathe. He thought within himself, thought deeper, longer, for a plausible answer and after almost a minute, the dark clouds of evil parted in his mind and the light shined through.

Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said with reverence and politeness ................ “I believe, your Holiness, that the word you’re looking for, is 'AUNT’.”

“Of course!” the Pope mused.

Not taking his gaze off the crossword, the Pope suddenly replied ................ “You wouldn’t happen to have an eraser, would you?”
 

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Police officer: "Turn around."

Me: "Every now and then I get a little bit lonely And you're never coming 'round."

P.O. : "Turn around."

Me :"Every now and then I get a little bit tired Of listening to the sound of my tears."

P.O. :"Turn around."

Me: "Every now and then I (GET TASED)..."
 

Big Sandy

Legendary Knight
Last night I popped round to play guitar with my mate, Ray.
He said he'd just had a phone call from a telemarketer trying to sell funeral plans. The conversation went something like this:
Salesman: Can I interest you in our flexible funeral plan?"
Ray: "No thanks, I've already got a alternative arrangements planned and paid for."
Salesman: "Oh, OK, fair enough. Can I ask, what do you mean by 'alternative arrangements'?"
Ray: "I'm having a Viking Funeral."
Salesman: "REALLY? That IS interesting, I've heard of forest burials but never a Viking funeral. If you don't mind me asking, where are you having it done?"
Ray: "At a place in Somerset."
Salesman: "I'd be interested to check that out. Whereabouts in Somerset?"
Ray: <pause for effect> "Burnham on Sea."
Salesman: <hangs up>
 
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