Don the Don
Legendary Knight
My wife asked me, " is it just me or is the cat getting fat?"
Big mistake saying, "no, it's just you."
Big mistake saying, "no, it's just you."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A friends mother is in a care home and they play nothing but board games.
"Any chess?" I asked.
"No we went private!" he replied.
"Any chess?" I asked.
"No we went private!" he replied.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
"Jesus loves you"
A nice gesture in church
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison
A nice gesture in church
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
"Finally. I'd like to make an appointment to see the Doctor, please."
"No."
"Oh. May I have a call back to speak to the Doctor, please?"
"No."
"Ok. Is it possible to have a Teams meeting with the Doctor, please?"
"No."
"Zoom call with the Doctor, please?"
"No."
"Can I have a repeat prescription from the Doctor, please?"
"No."
"I need a letter for my boss from the Doctor, please."
"No."
"I've had enough of this. Tell the Doctor I called, please."
"Your name?"
"Bond. James Bond."
From the Dr. No remake, 2024.
"No."
"Oh. May I have a call back to speak to the Doctor, please?"
"No."
"Ok. Is it possible to have a Teams meeting with the Doctor, please?"
"No."
"Zoom call with the Doctor, please?"
"No."
"Can I have a repeat prescription from the Doctor, please?"
"No."
"I need a letter for my boss from the Doctor, please."
"No."
"I've had enough of this. Tell the Doctor I called, please."
"Your name?"
"Bond. James Bond."
From the Dr. No remake, 2024.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Some chap has been caught cleaning out the crematoriums and selling the ashes to the cannibals in Africa as Ready Brek.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
It’s not widely known, but The Vatican State has entered a team at every modern Olympic Games. You never see them competing though.
That’s because they pull out at the last minute.
That’s because they pull out at the last minute.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
What do call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
Alex Salmond's widow...
Alex Salmond's widow...
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Scientists have discovered that trees have their own way of communicating with each other,
It’s called What Sap
It’s called What Sap
gazzatriumph
Legendary Knight
Too soon
Big Sandy
Legendary Knight
Naaw. Shoulda been 20 years ago.Too soon
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast.
To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, 'E-G-G'
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had Toast, 'T-O-A-S-T?
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him:
'I had Feck All', he says, ' F-E-C-K-A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.
Later when the lesson turns to Geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada's East Coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the Nutrition Lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question:
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Mexican Border?'
Johnny ponders the question and finally says, "The Mexican border is in bed with my mother.
That's why I got Feck All for Breakfast."
To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, 'E-G-G'
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had Toast, 'T-O-A-S-T?
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him:
'I had Feck All', he says, ' F-E-C-K-A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.
Later when the lesson turns to Geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada's East Coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the Nutrition Lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question:
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Mexican Border?'
Johnny ponders the question and finally says, "The Mexican border is in bed with my mother.
That's why I got Feck All for Breakfast."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
My doctor advised me to avoid saturated fat ,so I've stopped showering with the Mrs
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Just thought I'd nip over to check on the old lady over the road, and fair play to her at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch.
She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer so I'll pop back next year.
She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer so I'll pop back next year.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Just visited the birthplace of the founder of modern dentistry. I was surprised that there wasn’t some kind of plaque on the wall
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
My girlfriend just dumped me. She said in a teary tirade: “I can’t take your shit any more. You’re so pedantic. Everything I do is wrong. I loved you so much, but it’ll never be enough for you.
I’m leaving now. Me and Gary are driving up north through the night and then you’ll never hear from me again”
She was about to close the door when I yelled “No, no….waaait”
She turned back, tears in her eyes, a glimmer of hope still remained.
That was when I uttered those three magic words. “Gary and I”
I’m leaving now. Me and Gary are driving up north through the night and then you’ll never hear from me again”
She was about to close the door when I yelled “No, no….waaait”
She turned back, tears in her eyes, a glimmer of hope still remained.
That was when I uttered those three magic words. “Gary and I”