Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A taxi driver picks up a drunk, but places him on the front passenger seat so he can keep an eye on him. After a while, the drunk falls asleep.
The taxi driver then sees a gorgeous brunette in a miniskirt, obviously in need of a taxi. It turns out she’s going to the same part of town so he gladly lets her sit in the back...
As the journey proceeds, the taxi driver glances in the mirror and realizes he can see all the way up her skirt and she’s not wearing any knickers.
He nudges the drunk awake, turns the mirror towards the passenger seat and whispers, "Oi, take a look at this"...
The drunk looks in the mirror and sighs, "Have you got a comb, mate...? I look like a woman's wetter
The taxi driver then sees a gorgeous brunette in a miniskirt, obviously in need of a taxi. It turns out she’s going to the same part of town so he gladly lets her sit in the back...
As the journey proceeds, the taxi driver glances in the mirror and realizes he can see all the way up her skirt and she’s not wearing any knickers.
He nudges the drunk awake, turns the mirror towards the passenger seat and whispers, "Oi, take a look at this"...
The drunk looks in the mirror and sighs, "Have you got a comb, mate...? I look like a woman's wetter
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Breaking News: Two British Paralympians from the Wheelchair Rugby team have been sent home.
They tested positive for WD40.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
If I get angry at men and women equally does it make me bi-furious?
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
If you have a cyst in your testicles
Is it a boil in the bag
Is it a boil in the bag
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I've just seen the headlines in the local paper. "Graveyard targeted in the night- assailants leave cheese toasties everywhere!".
Police say it's likely the work of Breville worshippers..
Police say it's likely the work of Breville worshippers..
Big Sandy
Legendary Knight
The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one **** of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Joe was shocked and depressed.
He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, “That's what I need... A new suit.”
He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I'd like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let's see... size 44 long.”
Joe laughed, “That's right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fits perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked “How about a new shirt?”
Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”
The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”
Joe was surprised, “That's right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years.”
Joe tried on the shirt and it fits perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”
Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”
The salesman said, “Let's see... size 36.”
Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one **** of a headache.”
Joe was shocked and depressed.
He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, “That's what I need... A new suit.”
He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I'd like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let's see... size 44 long.”
Joe laughed, “That's right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fits perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked “How about a new shirt?”
Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”
The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”
Joe was surprised, “That's right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years.”
Joe tried on the shirt and it fits perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”
Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”
The salesman said, “Let's see... size 36.”
Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one **** of a headache.”
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Half a dozen chops. To me, it's a good meal.
To a Saudi judge, it's a slow day in court.
To a Saudi judge, it's a slow day in court.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I met a bloke in a wheelchair today, his face was battered and bruised.
"What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?" I enquired.
"No..." he said, "... hurdles."
"What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?" I enquired.
"No..." he said, "... hurdles."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Three aspiring psychiatrists Eric, Peter and Murphy were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said Eric
"And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said Peter
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Limerick, "How about the opposite of woe?"
Murphy replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up."
"And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said Peter
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Limerick, "How about the opposite of woe?"
Murphy replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
You've got to hand it to blind prostitutes.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
All these kids coming out of the woodwork to be so-called Oasis fans.
I bet they couldn't even name two flavours.
I bet they couldn't even name two flavours.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
While in Spain sipping his tequila, a guy noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table.
It looked good.
It smelled good.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The visitor, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on holiday down here! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the man returned, placed his order, and then that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,
"Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull he wins."
It looked good.
It smelled good.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The visitor, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on holiday down here! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the man returned, placed his order, and then that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,
"Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull he wins."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?'
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it,"
"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?'
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it,"