Don the Don
Legendary Knight
You know it's cold outside when you Trip over dog shit rather than stand on it
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Ive met this girl and at the weekend took her home to meet my mam.
She whispered to me, "Where the hell did you get her from, son?! She's cross-eyed, bow-legged, and she's got no teeth!"
I replied, "There's no need to whisper, Mam She's deaf as well."
She whispered to me, "Where the hell did you get her from, son?! She's cross-eyed, bow-legged, and she's got no teeth!"
I replied, "There's no need to whisper, Mam She's deaf as well."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Did you hear about the bloke who was scared of Muslims in prison?
He's a slammer phobic.
He's a slammer phobic.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I confused my Scottish GP today.
By telling him I had knee problems.
By telling him I had knee problems.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
One day, two priests are traveling by car when they are stopped by a police officer.
The officer approaches the priests' car and says to the driver, "I'm sorry for stopping you, fathers, but we're looking for some child molesters."
The two priests look at each other for a few moments, then turn to the officer and say, "Okay, officer, we'll do it."
The officer approaches the priests' car and says to the driver, "I'm sorry for stopping you, fathers, but we're looking for some child molesters."
The two priests look at each other for a few moments, then turn to the officer and say, "Okay, officer, we'll do it."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Two nuns were driving down the road when a vampire jumped across the windscreen. The nun who was driving said to her passenger “quick, show him your cross”
The other nun wound down her window, leaned out and shouted “GET OFF THE FÜCKING CAR”
The other nun wound down her window, leaned out and shouted “GET OFF THE FÜCKING CAR”
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I really must throw them old joke books out,Ancient, but still funny.
Not unlike yourself Don!
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Tallpaul
Legendary Knight
Two muslims were driving down the road.........................................
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A couple of my mates are having a joint party for Chinese New year and Burns night. It's called Chinese Burns night... I didn't want to go but they twisted my arm!
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Why did the German chicken cross the road?
It was only obeying orders.
It was only obeying orders.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I took my 6 year-old grandson out to lunch yesterday. Before we started our meal he asked if he could say grace. Of course I agreed.
He closed his eyes and bowed his head and said:
“God, you are so kind and so good. Thank you for putting this food on my table.”
Then he added: “And, God, could you please make Grandpa buy me ice cream for afters.”
On hearing this, everyone in the restaurant laughed apart from one woman who said in a loud voice:
“That’s the trouble with children these days, they don’t know how to pray properly!”
This caused my grandson to burst into tears and he asked me: “Grandpa, have I done something wrong?”
Just then a man from the next table came over, put his hand on my grandson’s shoulder and said: “You did nothing wrong, young man. That was a lovely prayer. The problem with that lady is that she doesn’t have any soul.”
Of course I ordered some ice cream for my grandson when he had finished his main meal and when it arrived he did something that took me completely by surprise. He picked up his bowl of ice cream, took it over to the lady who had complained about his prayer, placed it in front of her and said: “Here, stick this up your @rse you miserable old cow!”
I was really touched!
He closed his eyes and bowed his head and said:
“God, you are so kind and so good. Thank you for putting this food on my table.”
Then he added: “And, God, could you please make Grandpa buy me ice cream for afters.”
On hearing this, everyone in the restaurant laughed apart from one woman who said in a loud voice:
“That’s the trouble with children these days, they don’t know how to pray properly!”
This caused my grandson to burst into tears and he asked me: “Grandpa, have I done something wrong?”
Just then a man from the next table came over, put his hand on my grandson’s shoulder and said: “You did nothing wrong, young man. That was a lovely prayer. The problem with that lady is that she doesn’t have any soul.”
Of course I ordered some ice cream for my grandson when he had finished his main meal and when it arrived he did something that took me completely by surprise. He picked up his bowl of ice cream, took it over to the lady who had complained about his prayer, placed it in front of her and said: “Here, stick this up your @rse you miserable old cow!”
I was really touched!
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
