What’s made you happy for a change

[DD67]

In days gone folk could give as good as they got,

A mate told me this years ago. Apparently it happened in the early 70's.

He was in a works van with a colleague who was a notorious racist & by all accounts an absolute dickhead.
They stopped in traffic near a bus stop. There was a black guy at the bus stop & Mr Dickhead shouted..."Why don't you f#ck off home you black c#nt!"...

The response was..."I'm trying to do exactly that man. But de f#ckin bus is late again!...

Now THAT is a comeback/put down line!

 

[half ton]

I'm happy cos just had my dinner at work....sausage,bacon,egg,chips and tomatoes with home made bread , then I had a feckin huge bowl of strawberries n cream ... so much cream left that I chucked it in a mug and had a reet nice coffee as well.......think the cook fancies me

 

[Bad Billy]

.think the cook fancies me

I would steer clear of him then mate!

 

[DD67]

I would steer clear of him then mate!

Erm?...
Don't be too hasty Billy.
It was sausage, bacon, egg, chips, tomatoes & homemade bread. Plus strawberries & cream

I think half ton should play hard to get for a few more weeks

 

[half ton]

Erm?...
Don't be too hasty Billy.
It was sausage, bacon, egg, chips, tomatoes & homemade bread. Plus strawberries & cream

I think half ton should play hard to get for a few more weeks

Fuck that !!! As long as he shaves and feeds me well ...I'm all his.


It is a lady cook of the big boobie kind really, but why put that in the way of a piss take

 

[Sarky B’stard]

Here we go with tales of healthy appetites and large portions of crackling, crumpet and dumplings

 

[Don the Don]

Here we go with tales of healthy appetites and large portions of crackling, crumpet and dumplings

You never over endulged in the mess or top table ?

 

[DD67]

You never over endulged in the mess or top table ?

I heard he was often in a mess under the top table.
But that could just be a vicious rumour?

 

[Sarky B’stard]

This kind of exemplifies Service differences. The Army seldom has a ‘top table’ since most bashes involve one large table with only moderate positioning by rank. The Wardroom is generally of similarly modest proportions and, if the Captain is lucky, he will be invited. The cafeteria, on the other hand…..

I may, on occasion, have been a bit squiffy but always a gentleman.

 

[Don the Don]

I may, on occasion, have been a bit squiffy but always a gentleman

I applaud your ability to retain your standing, I on the other hand should I have got squiffy as you put it would have been a complete arse and utter disgrace, the difference in rank and training "what"

 

[DD67]

would have been a complete arse and utter disgrace

Good lad!
You were obviously a committed professional
Whereas Sarky was just a rank amateur

 

[Sarky B’stard]

Jeez you tossers are SO gullible

 

[DD67]

How about this for timing ...

The Amazon driver has just delivered these, & not a moment too soon.
I've had that ciggie case for decades. It's been everywhere with me. With a bit of luck it'll be able to enjoy its retirement now.
I don't wanna quit smoking, but I guess it's the sensible thing to do

 

[Don the Don]

How about this for timing ...
View attachment 7525
The Amazon driver has just delivered these, & not a moment too soon.
I've had that ciggie case for decades. It's been everywhere with me. With a bit of luck it'll be able to enjoy its retirement now.
I don't wanna quit smoking, but I guess it's the sensible thing to do

Are those home made spliffs of your own concoction

 

[DD67]

Are those home made spliffs of your own concoction

Just rolling baccy with filter tips.
I've never been able to smoke weed. 20% of a spliff f#cks me up more than a bottle of whiskey!

 

[Don the Don]

Jeez you tossers are SO gullible

And you tosser have a high opinion of yourself

 

[Old Nick]

How about this for timing ...
View attachment 7525
The Amazon driver has just delivered these, & not a moment too soon.
I've had that ciggie case for decades. It's been everywhere with me. With a bit of luck it'll be able to enjoy its retirement now.
I don't wanna quit smoking, but I guess it's the sensible thing to do

Keep us posted how that goes Jez

I fear the last sentence you wrote may be a problem the sensible thing to do bit

 

[Sarky B’stard]

And you tosser have a high opinion of yourself

No, just a misplaced sense of humour. Have you been down the chippy?

 

[Don the Don]

No, just a misplaced sense of humour. Have you been down the chippy?

"Humour"

 

[Bad Billy]

How about this for timing ...
View attachment 7525
The Amazon driver has just delivered these, & not a moment too soon.
I've had that ciggie case for decades. It's been everywhere with me. With a bit of luck it'll be able to enjoy its retirement now.
I don't wanna quit smoking, but I guess it's the sensible thing to do

You got to "wanna" give it up mate, it's not easy, I was like a bear with a sore head for about 3 months, that was 27 years ago .... Oh, and never think that just one wouldn't hurt!