Joke of the day.

Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
During a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, “Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible motorcycle accident and his scrotum was crushed.”

There was a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation.“Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and they were able to reconstruct the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum, using wire to reinforce and shape it.”

The men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably.“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Phil.”

The entire congregation held its breath.

“I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Multiculturalism in London is where a Jew sells flowers to a Catholic that puts them on Westminster Bridge where a Muslim killed innocent people later to be stolen by the Black to give to his mother on Mother’s Day.


It really saddens me to read about Muslim grooming gangs, Albanian pimps, black muggers and drug dealers and thieving travellers.

So I read the BBC news website so I don't have to.


An asylum seeker is at the side of the road eating grass. A man pulls up in his car and says, "Hey! Don't eat that. Come home with me and I'll feed you."
The asylum seeker replies, "I have three wives and ten kids, can they come too?"
The man replied, sod off, I've only got a small lawn."


Strange how immigrants strengthen our country - But not their own
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him.

Finally, he was brought to an old physician. After about an hour’s examination, he came out and told the cardinals that he had some good news and some bad news. The bad news was that the Pope had a rare disorder of the testicles. The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was have sex.

Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length.

Finally, they went to the Pope with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought, the Pope stated, “I agree but under four conditions.”
The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over the noise, a single voice asked, “And what are the four conditions?”
The room stilled. There was a long pause.

The Pope replied, “First, the girl must be blind so that she cannot see who she is having sex with.
Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear who she is having sex with.

And third, she must be mute so that if somehow she figures out who she is having sex with, she can tell no one.”

After another long pause, a voice arose and asked, “And the fourth condition?” The Pope replied, “Big tits.”
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
I was at Asda yesterday buying a box of Bakers for my dogs, in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT ??? So on impulse I told her NO, I don't have a dog, I was starting the Bakers Diet again and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with the small bite biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a kerb to sniff a another dogs arse and a car hit me.
 
DD67

DD67

The Peace Keeper
Staff member
Don the Don said:
I was at Asda yesterday buying a box of Bakers for my dogs, in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT ??? So on impulse I told her NO, I don't have a dog, I was starting the Bakers Diet again and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with the small bite biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a kerb to sniff a another dogs arse and a car hit me.
Click to expand...
True story...

I was stood in a queue in the bank years ago when someone tapped me on the back.
It was a sweet old lady & she asked what kind of dog I had?
I told her, but added..."How on earth did you know I own a dog?"... (I was thinking Doris Stokes the psychic)

She replied..."You have dog poo bags hanging out of your back pocket"...
 
Sarky B’stard

Sarky B’stard

Legendary Knight
DD67 said:
True story...

I was stood in a queue in the bank years ago when someone tapped me on the back.
It was a sweet old lady & she asked what kind of dog I had?
I told her, but added..."How on earth did you know I own a dog?"... (I was thinking Doris Stokes the psychic)

She replied..."You have dog poo bags hanging out of your back pocket"...
Click to expand...
That old pick up routine? You dog!
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A Coastguard vessel intercepted a small rowing boat carrying four Muslims heading towards the UK mainland. The Captain shouts through his loudhailer "Ahoy small rowing boat, what is your heading"?

One of the Muslims stands up and shouts "We are invading the UK".

The Captain replies "What, just the four of you"?

The Muslim shouts back "No, we're the last four, the rest are already there".
 
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