Joke of the day.

Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A whore got married and was worried that after 10 years on the game she would be a bit loose in the box, so on her wedding night she was just about to guide her new man in when she says "when I was young I caught my fanny on a fence and slipped so I might seem a little wide down there". After two hours the new hubby stops and say's "just how far were you across the field when you noticed you were caught?"
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A 16 year old told her dad she was pregnant; he was furious and demanded to know who the father was. She informed him it was a one night stand with a 60 year old. On hearing the guy’s age her father went into a real rage. She then said the would be father was coming round to speak to him the next day.

When they met the 60 year old explained his position. He would gift the daughter a £1 million property, on the birth day of the child he would hand over £2 million to the mother. He then said he was unsure as to what he could do if there was a miscarriage and there was no child.

The girl’s father said - you’ll just have to shag her again.
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm. "I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"

So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.

By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"

With this, the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Satan appeared before a small town congregation.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to him and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”

The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”

Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?”

“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.

Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics at Heathrow Airport.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
Jim says, 'Me too. I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..'
'Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'

'Well, DON'T - cause I'm in Athens '
 
stevethegoolie

stevethegoolie

Sword of Fenrir
Don the Don said:
Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics at Heathrow Airport.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
Jim says, 'Me too. I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..'
'Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'

'Well, DON'T - cause I'm in Athens '
Click to expand...
PMSL!!!!!:ROFLMAO:
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
The pope
Although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the Papal wrist & this happened to be one of those occasions.
Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy seed flying through the air.
'Hold on a minute! ', said the Pope, 'you can't do that - you'll destroy the reputation of the Church!'
'This is my lottery win,' said the photographer, 'I'll be financially secure for life with these photos!'
So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer & after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of £2,000,000.
The Pope clothed himself & headed-off to destroy the images on the camera.
Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper.
Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera & said: 'That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much did it cost you?'
Not being one to lie, the Pope replied: 'Two million pounds.'
'TWO MILLION POUNDS' replied the housekeeper. 'They must’ve seen you coming!
 
BAD LUCK DUCK

BAD LUCK DUCK

Forum Duck
Don the Don said:
Four old Catholic men, and an old Catholic woman were having coffee, in St. Peter’s Square.

One of the men said “My son is a priest; when he comes into a room, the men all call him ‘Father.’”

Another man said “My son is a Bishop; when he enters a room, the men call him ‘your Grace.’”

The 3rd man said “My son is a Cardinal; when he walks into a room, the men call him ‘your Eminence.’”

The final man proudly said “My son is the Pope; when he comes into a room, men call him “your Holiness.’”

They looked at the woman, who slowly gave them a small smile. She said “My daughter is 26 years old, stands 5’8” tall, weighs 120 lbs, and has measurements of 38, 23, 36. When she walks into a room, all the men say ‘Jesus!’”
Click to expand...
Why....Is she a hippy...As she got one of them jesus beards...please don't say she wears sandals 😳🦆
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love. About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris, however, worried about his impending, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning... you don't."
 
BAD LUCK DUCK

BAD LUCK DUCK

Forum Duck
Don the Don said:
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love. About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris, however, worried about his impending, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning... you don't."
Click to expand...
Fucking brilliant 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🦆
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
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