Don the Don
Legendary Knight
This works a treat I have tested this on the other half on a daily basis and It does the job with all the mentioned side effects
This works a treat I have tested this on the other half on a daily basis and It does the job with all the mentioned side effects
MartytheMartian
Legendary Knight
Had to share this one after finding it on Facebook
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale,
“Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.”
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female,
“Let’s swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.”
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
“Look”, she said,
“I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.”
True story & an explanation of @Capt. Drunkey's custom title on this forum...
Several years ago during one of the annual meet ups organised on our previous forum.
Capt flew over to the UK & hired a car.
He decided he still wanted to follow the Saturday ride-out & asked if I fancied riding shotgun?
We had a right laugh & put the world to rights on many subjects. All whilst watching the guys on bikes through the torrential rain hitting the hire cars windscreen. That was funny as well in a cruel sadistic kinda way
During the journey we spotted a large dead badger at the side of the road. This is how our conversation went...
Oh, that poor creature. What a way to die.
If the truth was known. It probably wasn't hit by a vehicle. It was more than likely killed by a farmer & dumped there to make it look like it was hit by a vehicle.
Why would that happen?
Well, farmers believe that badgers carry TB & pass it on to their livestock. But it's illegal to kill them.
So the Bad Ger was hit by a vehicle then yes.
First off, there's nothing "Bad" about it. It's all one word i.e. Badger. And no, it was more than likely killed by a farmer.
But you said that is illegal!
It is.
So how is this allowed to happen?
I don't suppose the farmer told anyone he did it mate.
But it is illegal, yes?
Yes, have you never done anything illegal?
Don't bother answering that. Look, there's a pub, fancy a pint?
During the conversation I asked Capt what the German word is for a badger? He told me it's a Dachs.
Apparently that's how the Dachshund dog got its name? The crazy Germans send them down badger sets!
That explains the long thin body. But I'd have thought a Dachs would kick the arse of a Dachshund!
Anyway, by the time Capt dropped me back at the bunkhouse & went back to his comfy hotel (he's too posh to slum it with us plebs)
I'd forgotten the german name for a badger but I still told the other lads the story & made up a german sounding name for a badger.
Capt turned up later that evening for food & beer at the bunkhouse (he's not too posh for that)
This is how our conversation went...
I was telling the lads the story of the Schnitzelwiesel at the side of the road. And how your honest German head couldn't grasp how it really died.
What the hell is a Schnitzelwiesel?
I forgot the German word for badger.
It's Dachs, how on earth could you forget that. But dream up a word like
Schnitzelwiesel FFS?
Erm... dunno?
And that gentlemen, is why Capt is King Of The Schnitzelwiesels
Several years ago during one of the annual meet ups organised on our previous forum.
Capt flew over to the UK & hired a car.
He decided he still wanted to follow the Saturday ride-out & asked if I fancied riding shotgun?
We had a right laugh & put the world to rights on many subjects. All whilst watching the guys on bikes through the torrential rain hitting the hire cars windscreen. That was funny as well in a cruel sadistic kinda way
During the journey we spotted a large dead badger at the side of the road. This is how our conversation went...
Oh, that poor creature. What a way to die.
If the truth was known. It probably wasn't hit by a vehicle. It was more than likely killed by a farmer & dumped there to make it look like it was hit by a vehicle.
Why would that happen?
Well, farmers believe that badgers carry TB & pass it on to their livestock. But it's illegal to kill them.
So the Bad Ger was hit by a vehicle then yes.
First off, there's nothing "Bad" about it. It's all one word i.e. Badger. And no, it was more than likely killed by a farmer.
But you said that is illegal!
It is.
So how is this allowed to happen?
I don't suppose the farmer told anyone he did it mate.
But it is illegal, yes?
Yes, have you never done anything illegal?
Don't bother answering that. Look, there's a pub, fancy a pint?
During the conversation I asked Capt what the German word is for a badger? He told me it's a Dachs.
Apparently that's how the Dachshund dog got its name? The crazy Germans send them down badger sets!
That explains the long thin body. But I'd have thought a Dachs would kick the arse of a Dachshund!
Anyway, by the time Capt dropped me back at the bunkhouse & went back to his comfy hotel (he's too posh to slum it with us plebs)
I'd forgotten the german name for a badger but I still told the other lads the story & made up a german sounding name for a badger.
Capt turned up later that evening for food & beer at the bunkhouse (he's not too posh for that
)This is how our conversation went...
I was telling the lads the story of the Schnitzelwiesel at the side of the road. And how your honest German head couldn't grasp how it really died.
What the hell is a Schnitzelwiesel?
I forgot the German word for badger.
It's Dachs, how on earth could you forget that. But dream up a word like
Schnitzelwiesel FFS?
Erm... dunno?
And that gentlemen, is why Capt is King Of The Schnitzelwiesels
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
Point of information:
Plenty of badgers get whacked by cars. The bovine TB problem is most acute in dairy herds rather than up country. Shooting nocturnal creatures is pretty time consuming. Not that many farmers would bother to dump a badger on a road with gunshot wounds. Plenty of better places around the farm to let ‘em rot. Not impossible but unlikely. Now your Schnitzelwiesel........
Plenty of badgers get whacked by cars. The bovine TB problem is most acute in dairy herds rather than up country. Shooting nocturnal creatures is pretty time consuming. Not that many farmers would bother to dump a badger on a road with gunshot wounds. Plenty of better places around the farm to let ‘em rot. Not impossible but unlikely. Now your Schnitzelwiesel........
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
Or Dachshund are not so much terriers as plumbers. Their job is/was flushing badgers from their sett. That’s why they are jobbie shaped ......
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
I am just testing your banning policy. Don’t get sensitive. That wouldn’t be you!
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
But it was a shit story!
BAD LUCK DUCK
Forum Duck
Not a joke but it might make you lot laugh?
I've been trying to only post Ebay items twice per week, Wednesday & Sunday.
Next to the post office is a strange little shop. It sells a lot of normal stuff but there's a large section with well known brands at ridiculously cheap prices.
They don't advertise the fact but the items in question have been ballsed up in some way during the production process.
Anything from the printing being on the squint to the contents being squashed. Nothing to stop you enjoying the products & the prices are silly cheap.
For a giggle I rarely buy the stuff with an obvious reason for the price reduction. Only usually the stuff you're left guessing what you'll find when you open it.
The mystery Sunday bargains have become a standing joke in our house.
For example, last Sunday it was a couple of perfect looking boxes of Mr Kipling fruit pies. 6 pies per box in 3 different flavours.
Trouble was the little symbols on the pastry lids were missing. So you had to use the force to determine what flavour you'd be getting.
Fortunately I like all 3 varieties so it didn't matter a to$$
Today I got a packet of jelly sweets for myself. They look like they've been gang banged by a herd of angry elephants. But they taste fine
And I got these for Mrs DD...
She tried them & said...
"Theses are ridiculously hot, almost inedible!"
Obviously I called her a wimp but she insisted I try a couple.
She wasn't wrong, they are beyond acceptably hot for crisps!
If you were pi$$ed up in a curry house & had been abusing the waiter. Whilst claiming to want the hottest curry on the menu with extra chillies on the side. You wouldn't expect it to be as hot at these crisps!
Someone obviously f#cked up the ingredients.
And that's why they were 49p for a 150g bag
No problem though. I have placed a roll of Andrex's finest in the fridge for tomorrow.
Bring on the man crisps!
I've been trying to only post Ebay items twice per week, Wednesday & Sunday.
Next to the post office is a strange little shop. It sells a lot of normal stuff but there's a large section with well known brands at ridiculously cheap prices.
They don't advertise the fact but the items in question have been ballsed up in some way during the production process.
Anything from the printing being on the squint to the contents being squashed. Nothing to stop you enjoying the products & the prices are silly cheap.
For a giggle I rarely buy the stuff with an obvious reason for the price reduction. Only usually the stuff you're left guessing what you'll find when you open it.
The mystery Sunday bargains have become a standing joke in our house.
For example, last Sunday it was a couple of perfect looking boxes of Mr Kipling fruit pies. 6 pies per box in 3 different flavours.
Trouble was the little symbols on the pastry lids were missing. So you had to use the force to determine what flavour you'd be getting.
Fortunately I like all 3 varieties so it didn't matter a to$$
Today I got a packet of jelly sweets for myself. They look like they've been gang banged by a herd of angry elephants. But they taste fine
And I got these for Mrs DD...
She tried them & said...
"Theses are ridiculously hot, almost inedible!"
Obviously I called her a wimp but she insisted I try a couple.
She wasn't wrong, they are beyond acceptably hot for crisps!
If you were pi$$ed up in a curry house & had been abusing the waiter. Whilst claiming to want the hottest curry on the menu with extra chillies on the side. You wouldn't expect it to be as hot at these crisps!
Someone obviously f#cked up the ingredients.
And that's why they were 49p for a 150g bag
No problem though. I have placed a roll of Andrex's finest in the fridge for tomorrow.
Bring on the man crisps!
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
I’ve told you‘til I’m blue in the face......BIDET!
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
Are you supposed to sit facing the taps? If not, that water jet would tickle my balls a treat. But I'd still have a shitty arse afterwards.
Scrappy
Legendary Knight
Only used a bidet once, that was on a 18-30s holiday in Spain... we used it to chill bottles of champagne
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
Rotate.
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
Besides, we’ve seen you out in the cold
It was a serious question Sarky.
If I sat with my back to the taps. That water jet would be nowhere near my chocolate starfish.
The ball tickling effect might involve a lengthy study & the Sunday papers though
How long is it appropriate to use such a fancy gonad tickler. Before it becomes perversion rather than cleanliness?
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
You do need to swivel to get an all over tinkle. Anything under 4 hrs counts as hygiene.
Glyn
Legendary Knight
That’s a ballchinion I saw one on mem in black 2