Freck
Legendary Knight
Signed: Mr BL Duck
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
We were all at a fishing trip, no one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. We decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so we voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
We said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
We said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. We couldn't believe it. We said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
We said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
We said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. We couldn't believe it. We said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
With age comes wisdom.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I was driving down the road today and I noticed a one legged hitch hiker, now I don’t normally stop for hitchhikers but on this occasion due to his disability I thought why not.
”Where you going?” I asked, “Cardiff” said the chap,
“Hop in“.
”Where you going?” I asked, “Cardiff” said the chap,
“Hop in“.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
If you rearrange the letters of "Postmen", they get very annoyed.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I lost my hair when I was 21
What a card game that was
What a card game that was
chas
Legendary Knight
Reminds me of an old Max Wall gag..
'I lost my parents when I was six......
..in a card game. Never played cards since.........
.....might win them back.'
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Vegetable patches are pointless.
I can give up vegetables easily without them.
I can give up vegetables easily without them.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
prostitute to scouser,
"do wanna blow job?"
"will it affect me dole money?"
"do wanna blow job?"
"will it affect me dole money?"
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I could have been a boxer, just like my father.
He could have been a boxer too
He could have been a boxer too
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
My menopausal wife has done nothing but complain since we've moved nextdoor to a brothel.
It must be the whore moans.
It must be the whore moans.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
The police knocked on my door this morning.
“Do the letters H.B. mean anything to you?” they asked.
“No, I said.”
“What about G.D. then?”
“No means nothing to me,” I said.
“How about A.J.?”
“Look,” I said, “am I suspected of something?”
“No sir.” They said, “These are just initial inquiries.”
“Do the letters H.B. mean anything to you?” they asked.
“No, I said.”
“What about G.D. then?”
“No means nothing to me,” I said.
“How about A.J.?”
“Look,” I said, “am I suspected of something?”
“No sir.” They said, “These are just initial inquiries.”
MartytheMartian
Legendary Knight
Not a joke as such but I found it funny. It could only happen in Ireland!
Carlow body: Inquiry after 'dead man' taken into post office
Reports suggest a deceased pensioner was "propped up by two men" who tried to claim his pension.
www.bbc.co.uk
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I'd like to thank the girl with no sports bra, who ran with me for the last few miles of the marathon. Your lack of support got me through it.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
What's the difference between Meatloaf and Prince Andrew?
Meatloaf is brown bread.
Prince Andrew is toast.
Meatloaf is brown bread.
Prince Andrew is toast.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Are supply teachers responsible for the increase in drugs in school?
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I attempted to sabotage the World Fencing Championship recently, but I was foiled.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Apparently, Waddingtons now do a swinger's edition of Cluedo; Everyone did it, in all the rooms
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I gave myself a prostate exam earlier.
That's the last time I buy toilet roll from Aldi.
That's the last time I buy toilet roll from Aldi.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
One of the Russian Ambassadors comes to President Putin and tells him he'd like to resign.
"Why?" Putin asks him.
"Ah, Mr. President, I can't take these time differences! I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, I last woke you up at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, I call Boris Johnson to congratulate him on his birthday and he tells me he had it yesterday, I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Well, these are just minor inconveniences," says Putin. "Do you remember when that Polish plane crashed, killing their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't yet taken off!
"Why?" Putin asks him.
"Ah, Mr. President, I can't take these time differences! I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, I last woke you up at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, I call Boris Johnson to congratulate him on his birthday and he tells me he had it yesterday, I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Well, these are just minor inconveniences," says Putin. "Do you remember when that Polish plane crashed, killing their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't yet taken off!
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
We don’t know how lucky we are to have the jobs we have.
I had a fella decorating our house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a laid off Ryanair pilot , he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage.
Sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing.
I had a fella decorating our house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a laid off Ryanair pilot , he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage.
Sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing.