Joke of the day.

[Don the Don]

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne doesn't come on your face until you're a teenager.

 

[DD67]

After two weeks out on the prairie a cowboy sipped his beer at the bar and asked two local lads if there was a brothel in this dusty town.

"Well no, but if you give us ten dollars each, you can have old Jake over there..."

"Thanks, but I'm not like that" said the cowboy.

"Neither is old Jake but if you give us ten dollars each, we'll hold him down for ya..."

Reply

Are you sure he was a cowboy & not in the Royal Navy?

 

[Don the Don]

Are you sure he was a cowboy & not in the Royal Navy?

Same applies they had to learn it from somewhere and the Navy has lot's of traditions

 

[Sarky B’stard]

The RAF, meanwhile, merely has habits - most dirty

 

[Don the Don]

The RAF, meanwhile, merely has habits - most dirty

Oh yes, verging on disgusting even, service life would be boring without them

 

[Don the Don]

A woman this time goes to the doctors, as she walks in theres a whistling sound coming from her vagina.
Whats the problem? says the doc, well the embarrassed lady says, every time I walk there appears to be a whistling sound from my vagina. Hmm says the doc can you walk around the room, sure enough there was a whistling from her pussy,
The doc examined her couldn’t find anything and so asked if he could record this strange phenomenon as he was going to a medical conference where hundreds of doctors will be attending. Of course if you think it will help.
Off he went and up he got on stage to play the tape, what do you make of this and can you suggest what it is? he asked the
audience.
After a few minutes an old doctor stood up and said

”sounds like some cnut whistling to me”.

 

[Don the Don]

People in Iran are scared of Spiders .
but in Iraq , no Phobia.

 

[Don the Don]

A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
'Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...

 

[Don the Don]

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. What's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white.”

 

[Don the Don]

I slipped my finger into her hole and could feel it getting wetter and wetter. I pulled it out again and she started going down on me.
.
.
.
.
I really need a new boat

 

[Don the Don]

 

[Don the Don]

The Ofsted report on the school in my area says it 'lacks vision'.

Hardly surprising, it's a school for the blind.

 

[Don the Don]

 

[Don the Don]

It took a lot of balls for me to go on the Channel 4 show ''Embarrassing Bodies''.

Three actually.

 

[Don the Don]

 

[Don the Don]

I went on a blind date last night, It didn't start that way...

But she had pepper spray.

 

[half ton]

I went for a run but came back home after 2 mins because I forgot something,

I forgot that I was fat and can't run for more than 2 mins.

 

[Don the Don]

I telephoned a woman today.

"Hello darling, do you prefer the Twat or the arse?"

"I beg your pardon!"

"Sorry, I'm from YouGov. Are you voting for Sunak or Starmer?"

 

[Don the Don]

I phoned Amazon Customer Services to complain about the obscene insult I get every time I log into their website.
They explained that I was merely misreading the words .......'Your Account'

 

[Don the Don]

I've just discovered my neighbours cat is the same width as my car's tyre.