Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
I suspect he’s a lightning rod for Spaffer and his dodgy ‘sponsors’ and operatives like Zahawi, Jenrick etc., plus the Chumocracy. I think they may be winding the game down.
chas
Legendary Knight
I wouldn't be inclined to disagree
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
"I had difficult childhood, covered in chocolate and cream, cherries on my head. Life was tough in the gateau."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At theFrench customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The elderly gentleman said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible! you always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained-
"Well, when I came ashore at sword Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any
Frenchmen to show it to..."
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The elderly gentleman said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible! you always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained-
"Well, when I came ashore at sword Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any
Frenchmen to show it to..."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
The Pope was due to give a talk on contraception today
but pulled out at the last minute
but pulled out at the last minute
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I’ve just taken part in the world blindfold masturbation championships. No idea where I came.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Bloke goes to doctor.
“Doctor I’m having problems with my penis”
“Oh yes?”
“Yes, I’ve recently returned from darkest Africa where I got an infection that has gone out of control. There are several holes down the shaft and when I pee it runs out all over the place”
“Mmmm, I think I’ve seen this before. Here rub this cream in and you should be fine in a few months. Meanwhile I’ll refer you to a chap I know who can help you”
“Is he a consultant?”
“No, he’s a piccolo teacher. He’ll teach you how to hold it”
“Doctor I’m having problems with my penis”
“Oh yes?”
“Yes, I’ve recently returned from darkest Africa where I got an infection that has gone out of control. There are several holes down the shaft and when I pee it runs out all over the place”
“Mmmm, I think I’ve seen this before. Here rub this cream in and you should be fine in a few months. Meanwhile I’ll refer you to a chap I know who can help you”
“Is he a consultant?”
“No, he’s a piccolo teacher. He’ll teach you how to hold it”
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Paddy tells his wife "My bumhole is really burning, I've no idea what it is".
"Ring Sting" suggests his wife.
Paddy replies "And how the f**k will he know
"Ring Sting" suggests his wife.
Paddy replies "And how the f**k will he know
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Exorcisms aren’t cheap.
And if you don’t keep up the payments,
your home may be repossessed.
And if you don’t keep up the payments,
your home may be repossessed.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Two little boys walked into a chemists. "May I help you?," asked the assistant. "We'd like a box of Tampax, please," replied the older boy.
"Is it for your mother?," the assistant asked. "No," the boy replied.
"Oh, then it must be for your big sister." said the curious assistant.
"No, it's for my little brother," the older boy replied enthusiastically. "We heard on TV that if you use Tampax you can swim and ride a bike and he can't do either one yet."
"Is it for your mother?," the assistant asked. "No," the boy replied.
"Oh, then it must be for your big sister." said the curious assistant.
"No, it's for my little brother," the older boy replied enthusiastically. "We heard on TV that if you use Tampax you can swim and ride a bike and he can't do either one yet."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
How does a black women know when she is pregnant?
When she takes her tampax out and all the cottons been picked off it
When she takes her tampax out and all the cottons been picked off it
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
The Catholic church has announced that condoms are now allowed in certain exceptional circumstances.
For example if a choirboy has diarrhoea!
For example if a choirboy has diarrhoea!
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I entered a bus, A woman and her 7 years old son were sitting beside me in the bus. It was raining and all the twilight girls (Prostitutes) were standing by the roadside.
The boy asked; “Mummy, what are all those women doing?.
His Mother replied; “They are waiting for their husbands to come back from work.”
The bus driver turned around and said; “Why don’t you tell him the truth?"
"Little boy, they are prostitutes, they sleep with men for money" Said the Driver”
The boy’s eyes got wide and asked; “Mummy is that true?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver replied; “Yes.!!”
After a few minutes, the boy asked; “Mummy, what happens to the babies those women have?”
She replied; “Most of them become bus drivers"
The boy asked; “Mummy, what are all those women doing?.
His Mother replied; “They are waiting for their husbands to come back from work.”
The bus driver turned around and said; “Why don’t you tell him the truth?"
"Little boy, they are prostitutes, they sleep with men for money" Said the Driver”
The boy’s eyes got wide and asked; “Mummy is that true?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver replied; “Yes.!!”
After a few minutes, the boy asked; “Mummy, what happens to the babies those women have?”
She replied; “Most of them become bus drivers"
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I've finally found the wife's G spot.
Turns out her sister had it.
Turns out her sister had it.
Scrappy
Legendary Knight
I heard he was accidentally created in a test tube in a Wuhan laboratory. From a mixture of duck & caveman DNA.Don't worry @BAD LUCK DUCK, you were hatched from an egg
Then he escaped to the western world
BAD LUCK DUCK
Forum Duck
I've missed loads of jokes here..
Need to catch up
Need to catch up
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Struggling to get your lizard up in the morning?
You may have a reptile dysfunction.
You may have a reptile dysfunction.
Sarky B’stard
Legendary Knight
What if you’re cursed with one of these?
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Komodo Dragon? well if it wants to be lazy and sleep let it