Joke of the day.

[Don the Don]

They say a dog is a man's best friend.
But I don't even have enemies that would stare directly into my eyes whilst taking a shit on my carpet.

 

[Don the Don]

The young woman told the doctor "I have a two green marks on the inside of my thigh.
The doctor had a look and said, "Is your boyfriend a Pikey?"
She said "Yes, why?"

He said, "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

 

[Don the Don]

Islamabad school maths test

Ahmad has three lunch boxes

He gives Abdullah one and another to Faisal

.....Calculate the blast radius

 

[Don the Don]

I hate waking up hungover, eyebrows shaven off, with a dick drawn on my forehead. Especially when I was drinking on my own last night!

 

[Don the Don]

I said to the baker.. "How come all your cakes are 50p and that one's £1"

He said..." that's Madeira cake"

 

[Don the Don]

What do you call a Russian gender reassignment surgeon?

Pulya Dickoff.

 

[Don the Don]

Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-Mart.
I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.
"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"
"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."

 

[Don the Don]

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them, they said it would be like winning the Lottery.

To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

 

[Don the Don]

The Car of the Year for 2021, as voted by Woman Magazine is:

A Blue one.

 

[Don the Don]

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
...He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me", everyone cheered.

 

[Don the Don]

Knock Knock

"Who's there?"

"Grandad."

"QUICK, STOP THE CREMATION!"

 

[The Departed]

"We are pleased to confirm that we can settle your claim in line with your full insured amount/policy value of £3,500.00"

fkin drugs

 

[chas]

"We are pleased to confirm that we can settle your claim in line with your full insured amount/policy value of £3,500.00"

fkin drugs

Long time since i've had to negotiate a claim but i'd not have that.
Ask them if they can lube it up, or at least spit on it.

 

[The Departed]

Long time since i've had to negotiate a claim but i'd not have that.
Ask them if they can lube it up, or at least spit on it.

The insurance wizard when looking for a quote valued it at £3500. I am on to them now.

 

[The Departed]

The insurance wizard when looking for a quote valued it at £3500. I am on to them now.

Got them to £5k

 

[Bad Billy]

Got them to £5k

What was you offered in PX when you was looking at other bikes?

Does the £5K include getting the bike back?

 

[The Departed]

What was you offered in PX when you was looking at other bikes?

Does the £5K include getting the bike back?

£3.5/3.7 px

£1950 to buy back but my mate who was there said it's not worth it.

I need to get to Egham to take some bits off, bloody joke of the day part II

 

[Don the Don]

Just got back from
Oak Furniture Land.
Worst theme park ever.

 

[Don the Don]

What did the priest say when a known queer was being lowered into his grave?
..
.
That’s the cleanest hole he’s ever been in.

 

[Don the Don]

In the spirit of Wimbledon fortnight I bought a punnet of strawberries and looked to the internet for the best way to serve them.
It suggested that I halve the strawberries, dust with icing sugar, and pile cream on top.


A word to the wise - pile cream tastes disgusting.