Joke of the day.

[Don the Don]

Regular naps prevent old age,
especially if you take them while driving.

 

[Don the Don]

A man sat on the edge of his bed, pulling his boxers off
He wife said, "You spoil those dogs"

 

[Don the Don]

My Wife just phoned me and the conversation went like this :-

Her: "You know that Gladiator movie that I got you for Xmas..???
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "Wind it forward One Hour, 16 mins and 28 seconds."
Me: "Right, I've done that"..
Her: "Okay, you see the Gladiator at the front Fighting the Lion"..???
Me: "I can see that, yeah."
Her: "Just behind him, there are two Gladiators having a Sword Fight with each other"..??
Me: Okay, I see them."
Her: "Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the Screen, there's a Gladiator holding a Spear"..???
Me: "Yes...! I can see him"..
Her: Right..!
"Those are the Sandals, I want for my Birthday".

 

[Don the Don]

A little girl pricked her hand on a rose bush. Crying, she ran in to her mum and asked her for mother for a bowl of cider so she could put her hand into it.

Confused, but not wanting a tantrum, the mother pours a bowl of cider. The little girl puts her hand in to it for a while, and then pulls it out still crying. “It doesn’t work”, she moaned “my hand still hurts”.

Getting annoyed, the mother asks the girl what on earth made her think that putting her hand into cider would ease the pain?

The girl replied that she’d her big sister had told her that whenever she gets a prick in her hand she likes to get it in cider

 

[Don the Don]

A priest dies and his spirit is in the void when a voice calls to him,
"Well my old son, you got it wrong, karma is the law of the universe and you need to go back and learn your lesson. "
"I understand, " said the priest, "but please, don't send me back as a priest, the things I did I'm really sorry for and I will need to learn restraint and compassion. "
"Oh, you don't get off that easy, " replied the voice, "you're going back as a choirboy!!..

 

[Don the Don]

Knock knock
Who‘s there?
Mormons
Feck off

 

[Don the Don]

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas"

The barman says "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day"
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay"

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head "Yeah, my wife!"

 

[Don the Don]

During a pub quiz, I sneakily called my wife and asked

'Which is the largest state in the USA? Your sisters good on geography'

'Alaska' she replied I said 'Well, hurry up, there's 8 pints riding on this..'

 

[Don the Don]

Of all the utensils that were invented to eat rice with...
How did two sticks win?...

 

[Don the Don]

Why do guys always give their jacket to girls when they’re cold?

Because no one wants a blowjob from a girl when her teeth are chattering.

 

[Don the Don]

I put my finger into her hole. Straight away I could feel it getting wetter and wetter. So I took my finger out and she started to go down on me.

I really do need to fix my boat.

 

[Don the Don]

I was standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in my stomach.
"That's not going to help," says my wife.
"Yes,it will," I replied. "It's the only way I can see the numbers on the dial!!"

 

[Don the Don]

What do you call a Korean with three dogs?

A rancher.

 

[Don the Don]

I went for a hair cut today, the barber finished and said do you want anything on it?
I said yes a pair of knickers you’ve made me look like a right Cnut!

 

[BAD LUCK DUCK]

A gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor’s and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Show me” says the doctor.

The brunette took her finger, pushed on her left wrist and screamed,then she pressed her elbow and screamed even more.

She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a brunette, are you?”

“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken”.

Love it

 

[BAD LUCK DUCK]

A man sat on the edge of his bed, pulling his boxers off
He wife said, "You spoil those dogs"

A man... you mean @BB3Lions really don't you

 

[The Departed]

A man... you mean @BB3Lions really don't you

My mate wanked his JR off when it was dying. As it had never knowingly had sex, my mate thought it was only right.

 

[BAD LUCK DUCK]

My mate wanked his JR off when it was dying. As it had never knowingly had sex, my mate thought it was only right.

Life would be very dull without characters like you and your mate
Safer for little puppies but definitely duller.

 

[Don the Don]

My granny died very peacefully, just sat back in the chair, closed her eyes and went to sleep forever.



Scared the fück out of the dentist though.

 

[Don the Don]

Two Chav girls are in the perfume shop
One picked up a sample bottle and sprayed it on her wrist
"`ere Shazza, this smells nice dunnit?, it's called Venez a Moi, woss that mean?"
The shop assistant says it's French for "Come to me"
Shazza takes another sniff.....Well it don't smell like "cum to me" she said, offering her arm to Tracey , "Does that smell like Cum to you?