Joke of the day.

[Don the Don]

Mujibar was trying to get a job in the UK government.

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready."

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works for the Government of the UK.

No doubt you have spoken to him because it seems I do regularly.

 

[Don the Don]

After my wife died I couldn't look at another woman for 20 years.

But when I got out of prison it was totally worth it....

 

[Don the Don]

A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar,
announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical
Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy
pains.
Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say,
you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?"
The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer,
wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and
said, "Had him circumcised mon."

 

[Don the Don]

A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness.
Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"
Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldn't be here."
Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said,
to which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?

 

[Don the Don]

I am now proud to announce that I am selling Adult toys. I hope no one is embarrassed to ask for them.
I have all kinds, sizes and styles according to your needs.
Discretion is guaranteed!!
Inbox me if you have any questions.
I have everything listed below...
.
.
.
.
.
Zimmer frames, wheelchairs, oxygen tanks, walking stick/canes, disposable diapers etc etc.

 

[Don the Don]

The Reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly along the street. He tries to assist her but they stumble and he falls on top of her.
A passing policeman comes up and says "Oi mate, you can't do that in the street".
The rev replies, "Please You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps".
To which the cop replies "Well, if you're in that far mate, you may as well finish the job".

 

[Don the Don]

After a long night of making love he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!" she answers.
"Well, who is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."

 

[Don the Don]

"It's sodomy. It isn't gay love, it isn't natural, it isn't acceptable in the eyes of the lord, it isn't a right." Preached the priest from the pulpit.
"And it isn't my turn this week," shouted a choirboy from the back of the church.

 

[Don the Don]

I'm in love with two women.
One writes beautiful poetry and the other makes great Yorkshire puddings.
Should I marry for batter or for verse?

 

[Don the Don]

Never get on 1 knee for a girl, who won't get on 2 knees for you.

 

[Don the Don]

Last night at the gym I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in.

To cut a long story short; she's made a formal complaint and I'm banned for life.

 

[Don the Don]

A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says,
"Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!"

 

[Don the Don]

Police hunting the 'Knitting Needle Nutter' who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe that the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

 

[Don the Don]

I've just been attacked by a little ginger boy doing martial arts!

It turned out to be the carroty kid.

 

[Don the Don]

I've just seen the National Sperm bank has has only had 3 donors since January!

That's the problem with this country no one gives a toss anymore.

 

[Don the Don]

Missed out on the Mastermind final by one question. Apparently the triangle where ships and aircraft go missing is Bermuda and not Katie Price's hairy minge.

 

[Don the Don]

Whenever my wife is upset i let her colour in my tattoos.
She just needs a shoulder to crayon.

 

[Don the Don]

Some of the times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use:

11. What the f**k do you mean we're sinking? - Capt. E.J Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
10. What the f**k was that? - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945
9. Where did all these f**king Indians come from? - Custer, 1877
8. Any f**king idiot could understand that. - Einstein, 1938
7. It does f**king look like her! - Picasso, 1926
6. How the f**k did you work that out? - Pythagoras, 126 BC
5 You want WHAT on the f**king ceiling? - Michelangelo, 1566
4 Scattered f**king showers, my arse! - Noah, 4314 BC
3 Aw c'mon. Who the f**k is going to find out? - Bill Clinton, 1999
2. I didn't think they'd get this f**king mad. - Saddam Hussein, 2003
1 I Must get that f**king handrail fixed. - Robert Maxwell, 1991

 

[Don the Don]

The lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalotopuss

 

[Don the Don]

Gay dinosaur?

Megasoreass