Big Sandy
Legendary Knight
A man came home from work and was met in the kitchen by his wife……..
“Have you ever seen twenty pound all crumpled up?"...the woman asked her husband.
"Ah, no” replied her husband, a little confused.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
He took the crumpled twenty pound note from her and smiled approvingly.
"Have you ever seen fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she then asked her husband.
"Uh no, I haven't," he said (with an anxious tone in his voice).
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.
He took the crumpled fifty pound note and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now" she said. "Have you ever seen £20,000 all crumpled up?"
"No way" he said (while obviously becoming even more excited).
"Well, go look in the garage!” she said.
“Have you ever seen twenty pound all crumpled up?"...the woman asked her husband.
"Ah, no” replied her husband, a little confused.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
He took the crumpled twenty pound note from her and smiled approvingly.
"Have you ever seen fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she then asked her husband.
"Uh no, I haven't," he said (with an anxious tone in his voice).
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.
He took the crumpled fifty pound note and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now" she said. "Have you ever seen £20,000 all crumpled up?"
"No way" he said (while obviously becoming even more excited).
"Well, go look in the garage!” she said.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A dog goes into a telegraph office and says “I’d like to send a telegram”
”Certainly, “ says the guy behind the counter, picking up a pencil “what’s the message?”
”Woof woof woof woof woof, woof woof woo. Woof”
The guy counts the words and says “that’s nine words, the minimum charge is for twelve words, you got three left”
Dog says “no, that’s ok”
Guy says “oh, go on it’d be a waste not to”
Dog says “but I’ve got nothing left to say”
Guy says “what about “Woof woof woof?”
Dog says “What? that’d make no fecking sense would it”
”Certainly, “ says the guy behind the counter, picking up a pencil “what’s the message?”
”Woof woof woof woof woof, woof woof woo. Woof”
The guy counts the words and says “that’s nine words, the minimum charge is for twelve words, you got three left”
Dog says “no, that’s ok”
Guy says “oh, go on it’d be a waste not to”
Dog says “but I’ve got nothing left to say”
Guy says “what about “Woof woof woof?”
Dog says “What? that’d make no fecking sense would it”
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Is the fear of giants
Feefiphobia ?
Feefiphobia ?
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A Scotsman, an Irishman and a Welshman all owe an Englishman £10.
Sadly, the Englishman dies before he can collect on the debt.
The three debtors all attend his funeral.
As the coffin is lowered into the grave, the Irishman and the Welshman each throw in a £ 10-pound note.
The Scotsman retrieves the 2 £10 notes and chucks in a cheque for £30
Sadly, the Englishman dies before he can collect on the debt.
The three debtors all attend his funeral.
As the coffin is lowered into the grave, the Irishman and the Welshman each throw in a £ 10-pound note.
The Scotsman retrieves the 2 £10 notes and chucks in a cheque for £30
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
What do they call the cockpit on a passenger airliner if both the pilot and co-pilot are women?
tit pit?
fanny shack?
tit pit?
fanny shack?
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
The Royal Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all warships and aircraft carriers. Addressing all boat personnel at Plymouth, a senior Admiral advised:
"Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined £50 the first time”.
He continued: "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined £150.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of £500. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a rating stood up in the crowd and inquired..
"Sir, how much for a season ticket ?
Quote
"Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined £50 the first time”.
He continued: "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined £150.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of £500. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a rating stood up in the crowd and inquired..
"Sir, how much for a season ticket ?
Quote
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Bloke takes his wife to the doctor.
The doctor asks, "Why is she covered in bruises?"
"She's going through the change."
The doc gasped, "But you don't get bruises like that when going through the change!"
The bloke replied, "You do when it's my change your going through!"
The doctor asks, "Why is she covered in bruises?"
"She's going through the change."
The doc gasped, "But you don't get bruises like that when going through the change!"
The bloke replied, "You do when it's my change your going through!"
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I took a nurse back to my place last night. As I stripped off I said to her, "You must have seen a few dicks where you work. How do you rate mine?"
She said, "It's much bigger than most I see."
"Wow," I said. "What sort of nursing do you do?"
"I'm a midwife" she replied...
She said, "It's much bigger than most I see."
"Wow," I said. "What sort of nursing do you do?"
"I'm a midwife" she replied...
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Mummy, what is black humour?
Go and ask your Dad.
But, mummy, Dad died just last week.
There, you've got it.
Go and ask your Dad.
But, mummy, Dad died just last week.
There, you've got it.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A man has been shot with a starter pistol
The police believe it may be race related........
The police believe it may be race related........
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
If blues singers woke up in the afternoon they wouldn't be so fu**ing depressed.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the Newscaster says: "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were Skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says; "How many is a Brazilian"?
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were Skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says; "How many is a Brazilian"?
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
The wife Just asked me if I had any fantasies..
I said, "I've got this one where we pretend that we're complete strangers and have never met".
She said "What, and you pick me up in some bar?".
I said, "No..Just the first bit".
I said, "I've got this one where we pretend that we're complete strangers and have never met".
She said "What, and you pick me up in some bar?".
I said, "No..Just the first bit".
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I phoned my mother-in-law to tell her that her daughter had crashed my new Jag.
She said ‘Oh no, is she hurt ?’
I said ‘Not yet, she’s locked herself in the bathroom’
She said ‘Oh no, is she hurt ?’
I said ‘Not yet, she’s locked herself in the bathroom’
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Phone rings, the woman answers and a pervy voice says, 'Have you got a great big hairy twat?'
She replies, 'Yes, he's lying on the sofa watching the football, do you want to speak to him?'
She replies, 'Yes, he's lying on the sofa watching the football, do you want to speak to him?'
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
My favourite childhood memory was making mud pies with grandad
until my mum found out and hid his urn
until my mum found out and hid his urn
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Fender are releasing a tribute guitar to celebrate artists of mixed race...
the ‘halfcaster’
the ‘halfcaster’
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
For sale :
Large pot of vaginal thrush cream
Apply within
Large pot of vaginal thrush cream
Apply within