Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Ever notice how dogs only come in male and female, and cutting the balls off doesn't make it female?
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Daily record: Nicola Bulleys dog could be vital in helping to trace missing woman, expert says!
What. Is it Scooby Doo or something?
What. Is it Scooby Doo or something?
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as
she likes to call it.
she likes to call it.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
After two weeks out on the prairie a cowboy sipped his beer at the bar and asked two local lads if there was a brothel in this dusty town.
"Well no, but if you give us ten dollars each, you can have old Jake over there..."
"Thanks, but I'm not like that" said the cowboy.
"Neither is old Jake but if you give us ten dollars each, we'll hold him down for ya..."
"Well no, but if you give us ten dollars each, you can have old Jake over there..."
"Thanks, but I'm not like that" said the cowboy.
"Neither is old Jake but if you give us ten dollars each, we'll hold him down for ya..."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Get in. My wife's bought me a high altitude balloon flight over America for Valentine's day
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
What do you call a cremated songwriter?
Burnt Bacharach.
Burnt Bacharach.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
My 12 year old son wanted a tattoo so i took him down the tattoo parlour. They refused to do it saying "he's far too young to make an informed decision about something so permanent"
So I took him to get gender reassignment surgery instead.
So I took him to get gender reassignment surgery instead.
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
I grafted a pair of tits onto an electric guitar for a laugh. Now I'm on the sexy - fenders register
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
An old boy goes into the pub, orders a pint and asks the new landlord where the free snuff is?
The landlord knows nothing about this, but is increasingly frustrated by the old boy’s insistence that there should be free snuff, so he goes out back, finds some dried dogshit, grinds it up into a powder and presents it in a nice box to the old boy.
As the old boy is pinching and snorting he’s joined by another old guy.
“Have you trod in dogshit?” asks the old boy, to which the other guy checks his shoes and replies that he hasn’t and can’t smell dogshit at all.
“Try this snuff, that’ll sort your sinuses out a treat”, so the other guy pinches, snorts and his eyes widen.
“That’s good snuff, I can definitely smell dogshit now…”
The landlord knows nothing about this, but is increasingly frustrated by the old boy’s insistence that there should be free snuff, so he goes out back, finds some dried dogshit, grinds it up into a powder and presents it in a nice box to the old boy.
As the old boy is pinching and snorting he’s joined by another old guy.
“Have you trod in dogshit?” asks the old boy, to which the other guy checks his shoes and replies that he hasn’t and can’t smell dogshit at all.
“Try this snuff, that’ll sort your sinuses out a treat”, so the other guy pinches, snorts and his eyes widen.
“That’s good snuff, I can definitely smell dogshit now…”
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.
An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.
"Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.
"Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
My kids threw up after I told them I'd put Ginger in the curry.
They loved that cat.
They loved that cat.
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Don the Don
Legendary Knight
An old lady went to the dentist. She sat in the chair, lowered her bloomers and raised her legs.
The dentist said, "Excuse me Madam I'm not a gynaecologist."
"I know," said the old lady...
..."I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”
The dentist said, "Excuse me Madam I'm not a gynaecologist."
"I know," said the old lady...
..."I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club.
He's tall, superhot, and seems different to most guys she's met.
They arrive at his place and head straight to the bedroom and she immediately notices a shelf unit full of teddy bears.
On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle there are medium-sized bears, and the top full of large teddies; all neatly displayed in rows.
She now begins to think that he's sentimental, sensitive and sweet and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she feels an overwhelming urge to give him the best night of his life.
She therefore starts off by giving him a porn-style sloppy blowjob before offering use of the other two holes....in fact she completely gives her all to the session!
In the morning, she's slowly dressing and noticing him waking, so asks: "How was that?"
He yawns and replies: "Not bad at all. Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!"
He's tall, superhot, and seems different to most guys she's met.
They arrive at his place and head straight to the bedroom and she immediately notices a shelf unit full of teddy bears.
On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle there are medium-sized bears, and the top full of large teddies; all neatly displayed in rows.
She now begins to think that he's sentimental, sensitive and sweet and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she feels an overwhelming urge to give him the best night of his life.
She therefore starts off by giving him a porn-style sloppy blowjob before offering use of the other two holes....in fact she completely gives her all to the session!
In the morning, she's slowly dressing and noticing him waking, so asks: "How was that?"
He yawns and replies: "Not bad at all. Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!"
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Mrs wanted to spice things up, so suggested we play a fantasy shag game, and she picked Brad Pitt.
My pick of her much younger sister didn’t go down well at all…
My pick of her much younger sister didn’t go down well at all…
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
Foxy
Legendary Knight
A guy is hanging out in his favourite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly man. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him. The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her. "Is it true you're a prostitute?" "Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?" "Well, I dunno. What do you charge?" "I get $100 just for a handjob. We can negotiate from there." "$100!! For a handjob? Are you nuts?" She points towards the window, "You see that Ferrari out there?" The guy looks out the window and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside. "I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on handjobs. "Trust me, it's worth it." The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This handjob was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life. The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her. "Last night was incredible!" "Of course it was. Just wait till you try one of my blowjobs." "How much is that?" "$500". "$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!" "You see that apartment building across the street?" The guy looks out front at a 12 story apartment building. "I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blowjobs. Trust me, it's worth it." Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints - twice. The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up. I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me, what'll it cost me for some pussy?" She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan and says, "You see that island?" "Aw, c'mon!" He said, "You can't mean that!" She nods her head, saying, "You bet I mean it.........
......If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan!"
......If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan!"
Foxy
Legendary Knight
Three couples go camping. A matelot, a pongo and a crabfat and their wives. One couple forgets their tent. They decide the men will sleep in one tent, and the women will sleep in the other.
In the middle of the night, The crabfat says to the matelot
" Look at this fucking hard-on I’ve got. It must be all the fresh air. I’m going over to see my wife."
The matelot says, "You want me to come with you?"
The crab says, "Why the fuck would I want you to come with me?"
The matelot says,
"Because that’s my dick you’re holding."
In the middle of the night, The crabfat says to the matelot
" Look at this fucking hard-on I’ve got. It must be all the fresh air. I’m going over to see my wife."
The matelot says, "You want me to come with you?"
The crab says, "Why the fuck would I want you to come with me?"
The matelot says,
"Because that’s my dick you’re holding."
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
A woman was cleaning her son's bedroom and found a pile of Bondage magazines. She don't know what to do, so waited until her husband got home from work to ask for his advice on what she should do.
"Fucked if I know," said the husband, "but whatever you do, don't smack him"
"Fucked if I know," said the husband, "but whatever you do, don't smack him"
Don the Don
Legendary Knight
An Elderly couple had Dinner at another couple's House.
And after eating, the Wives left the table and went into the Kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly".
The other man said, "What is the name of the Restaurant"..???
The first man thought and thought and finally said,
"Tell me Burt. What is the name of that Flower you give to someone you Love.?? You know... the one that's Red and has Thorns."
"Do you mean a Rose"..???
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.
He then turned towards the Kitchen and yelled,
"Rose, what's the name of that Restaurant we went to last night".??
And after eating, the Wives left the table and went into the Kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly".
The other man said, "What is the name of the Restaurant"..???
The first man thought and thought and finally said,
"Tell me Burt. What is the name of that Flower you give to someone you Love.?? You know... the one that's Red and has Thorns."
"Do you mean a Rose"..???
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.
He then turned towards the Kitchen and yelled,
"Rose, what's the name of that Restaurant we went to last night".??