Joke of the day.

Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the garden.
The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that tiny hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to slip the dying worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from Grandma.
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
This was seemingly broadcast on live Aussie radio Edit: was Live TV
It was a phone-in show, and a young schoolboy was the caller.

"A vegetarian and a vegan were jumping off a cliff to see who would hit the bottom first"

The radio TV presenter then asked "Who won?"

The schoolboy replied "Society"
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A Catholic priest and a Protestant minister live at opposite ends of the town. Each morning they wave “hello” to each other as they cycle to their churches. One morning, the Catholic priest is walking.

The Protestant stops and asks:

“Why are you walking this morning?”

“My bicycle has been stolen. I am sure that one of my congregation has stolen it. But I don’t know how to find out who it is, and get it back”

The Protestant says:

“There is an easy way. Use shame. On Sunday, give a sermon about the Ten Commandments. When you get to 'Thou shalt not steal', emphasise it. pause, stare at the congregation. Whoever it was, will be ashamed and return your bicycle”

“Brilliant idea! Thank you!”

On Monday, the Protestant minister is cycling to his church, and the Catholic priest back on his bicycle, going to his church.

“Good morning! I see you got your bike back! Did you use my idea?”

“Yes, I gave a sermon like you suggested”

“Great! So when you got to 'Thou shalt not steal', you stared them down?”

“No quite"

"I got to 'Thou shalt not commit adultery' and I remembered where I had left it!”
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
I'll leave you with a thought before I go.
According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem, in Palestine, a country where people are called Mohammed, Abdul,
Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar,Youssouf, Mouloud, etc. etc.
And he managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas, Luke, Mathew, Andrew and Simon ....who all drank wine.
Now - that's what I call a miracle !!
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
A teacher asks her pupils for a sentence containing the word contagious.Little Sally says,"My brother had measles,and my mum said he was contagious".Very good says the teacher.Anyone else have a sentence.Little Billy says."Me and me Dad were looking out the front window,and the bloke opposite had a ton of sand dropped on his drive,and my Dad says,it's going to take that contagious to move all that.
 
Big Sandy

Big Sandy

Legendary Knight
Don the Don said:
I'll leave you with a thought before I go.
According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem, in Palestine, a country where people are called Mohammed, Abdul,
Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar,Youssouf, Mouloud, etc. etc.
And he managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas, Luke, Mathew, Andrew and Simon ....who all drank wine.
Now - that's what I call a miracle !!
Click to expand...
That's something I have always wondered about, to be honest.

Jesus was obviously Mexican, and the rest were Brits? 🤷‍♂️
 
Don the Don

Don the Don

Legendary Knight
The Mother Superior and a novice nun were driving through some woods. Suddenly, a vampire drops onto the bonnet (hood) of their car.

“Quick!” says the Mother Superior to the novice nun. “Show him your cross”.

“Get off the fücking bonnet!” shouts the novice!
 
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